the mechanics of authorship

In a moment of weakness about six months ago I agreed to speak at a seminar next month. My assigned topics are ones on which I am well-versed, discovery and trial in family law matters. The company presenting this even provided a basic outline to structure my talk, which I took and dramatically expanded at least a month ago. I organized a planning session among the speakers to discuss time division, etc.

So what's the problem? One little sticking point. This is an intermediate-level seminar, and the advertising for the program states that the manual accompanying the seminar will be "comprehensive."

Frankly, word processing software + me + a suggestion that I be "comprehensive" is not a formula for a happy week. Back in the day, when I worked for the Home of Hundred Drafts, I did not yet have enough life experience to understand that my obsessive perfectionism about my writing would goad me to write 93 pages of materials, 1.5 line spacing, Times New Roman font...in four days. The Document Properties section (sometimes one's own metadata can be handy) of my manuscript is showing 3337 editing minutes into the manuscript since this past Friday at 9 a.m. And that's only since the last time I renamed the document.

It occurs to me that my models of the mechanics of authorship are drawn from Russian literature. Dostoevsky dictated his work at the last minute at breakneck pace. Tolstoy drove his editors crazy by revising his work even in the galley proofs. I'm just emulating my idols.

tattoos are hearsay exceptions - but why?

In which Washington is discovered to be taking a walk on the wild side when it comes to evidence.

In Washington state, statements of fact concerning personal or family
history contained in tattoos are exceptions to the hearsay rule where the unavailability of the declarant is immaterial. Washington's ER 803(a)(13) is identical to the Federal Rule of Evidence, with that one exception.

The state Comment to this rule blandly observes: "Tattoos have been added to the items enumerated in the federal rule. The drafters felt that tattoos often reflect personal or family history and are apt to be as trustworthy as the other items listed in the rule."

That got me to thinking (I love the rules of evidence). The "declarant" in this case is presumably the person displaying the tattoo, not the tattoo artist. So the witness comes in and says, "Yes, John has a tattoo on his chest that says, 'My Heart Belongs To Daddy,' " that is not hearsay. But wouldn't the observation of the tattoo be a present sense impression of the witness testifying about tattoo? I really wonder about the necessity for this deviation from the FRE.

put down the goat and step away from the car

Thank God the Washington state legislature has taken action to make goat stealing a felony. It was only today that I learned that before now, this heinous act was only a misdemeanor. Well. I wouldn't have slept nights if I'd known, and I'm sure the nice folks over at cybergoat must be relieved.

I'd hate to think what this august legislative body might enact if it had more time on its hands.

Have I mentioned before that the state insect is the Green Darner Dragonfly?

more weird linkage

This blog turns up on a page called, so help me, Laura the Lawyer (Laura being one of the Names of the Goddess). It's a list of links to websites of lawyers with "Laura" in their names. No other common thread.

Here's a hint to y'all about picking a lawyer, just in case it's not clear: being named Laura is not a good qualification for being anybody's lawyer. Find a better way to pick a lawyer. Flip a coin. Geez.

from my inbox

Now, I ask you. Does this look like a plant?


The energetic folks in the management of the Very Tall Building in which I work are at it again.

Now that we are done visualizing earthquakes for them, they are installing sculpture in our lobby for us to observe.

"We are pleased to inform you that the first of our two new lobby sculptures is scheduled to be installed this weekend, and will be on display on the south side of the [Very Tall Building] lobby. The sculpture, entitled “Bloom Cycle,” was created by Portland-native Christine Bourdette, and evokes bud and flower shapes to provide an organic complement to the lobby’s formal geometry. The idea for the piece came from the artist’s thoughts about daily rhythms and cycles, whether in nature or in the world of business, and how they change and morph through time.

Christine is a recipient of the Bonnie Bronson Fellowship Award and the Regional Arts and Culture Council Visual Artists Fellowship Award. She has received acclaim for several of her public commissions including the Mark O. Hatfield Government Center MAX Station and Inverness Jail in Portland.

[Building Management] partnered with 4Culture, a public development authority chartered by King County to manage programs in arts, heritage, historic preservation and public art, to commission the sculpture."

Organic complement. Hmmmm. Would that be like a...plant? They are putting a sculptural representation of a plant in my lobby to soften the sharp edges of the lobby's formal geometry? And paid how much? And how much would an actual living plant in the lobby have cost? When it actually grew, it would not just "evoke" bud and flower shapes, it would actually manifest them. We could call it performance art.

And my rent here is how much per month?

Cloud Mountain

Castle Rock, Washington. 4-30-2005

washington docketing information online

This is actually an amazing advance. The offical website of the Washington state court system now makes basic Superior Court docket information available online for all counties. There are limitations, of course: basically no sealed file information and no pre-1980 cases. Nonetheless, this is a great leap forward in the information readily available over the Internet to those with an interest in cases in Washington state.

Unfortunately, I can't jettison Courtlink and its expensive searches quite yet, because there's only limited information about district and municipal court available at the moment. The prudent family law practitioner is well advised to run district and municipal court searches on every opposing party in every case. In fact, I can directly attribute a flat-out victory in one of my cases to the material I was able to gather from district court docket sheets throughout the county.

Moreover, the careful family law practitioner is well-advised to run the same searches on her clients. All of them.

and the prize for coolest blawg name goes to...

me. Again (see footnote 36). As another edition of Blawg Review succumbs to my literary charms.

That and--what is it now? Two dollars?--will get me a ride on the subway.

A minor quibble. I am sorry to see the editor succumb to the mass confusion between the terms "eager" and "anxious." I am "anxious" for my accountant's opinions on my taxes. I am "eager" to see if I am posted at Blawg Review. Not the same thing at all.

post-its (r) changed my life

Well, no, not really. I have more of a life than that. April 2005, however, marked the twenty-fifth anniversary of the invention of what I will generically call the sticky note, and you can read all about its fascinating history here. I speak without irony, other than my ironic honoring of the registered trademark by declining to use it.

The sticky note is what I call an elegant invention. It is extremely simple; it seems obvious in retrospect; it is incredibly versatile. I use sticky notes the way I used to use index cards as a tool for systems thinking. Index cards had the most annoying habit of sliding around and destroying all evidence of my careful analysis with one overexcited gesture as I talk on the phone (something I am wont to do).

Not resting on their laurels, those clever folks at 3M have come up with a glue stick made of the same great stuff--sticky, but not too sticky--that resides on the back of the original notes. Consider, if you will, the implications of the fact that any piece of paper can now become a sticky note. Well. I hope I don't have to spell this out for anyone.

The sticky note is another piece of evidence to support my hypothesis that simpler technologies, when used to their fullest--nay, exploited ruthlessly--are more effective than the latest gadget sitting unopened in its box on the shelf. Of course, I could simply be experiencing confirmatory bias. Nevertheless, I daresay that few lawyers leave boxes of sticky notes unopened on their shelves.

from my inbox

An actual advertising mailpiece from a printing company that I do not think I will be using:

"1. Cut* where indicated.
*Caution: scissors may be sharp."

Query: if the scissors are not sharp, what the hell are they doing on my desk?

shred early and often

One of the lessons that I personally have taken from my observation of the Arthur Andersen/Enron debacle is that it is best to shred early and often. In other words, while I am not under criminal indictment, nor do I expect that I or any of my clients will be, I am reviewing old files and shredding everything I don't need on a regular basis.

After talking to my own accountant and ethics counsel, the category of "what I don't need" turns out to be quite large. So large, in fact, that I have begun oiling the machine daily as a part of its required maintenance for the amount of shredding I'm doing. (And feeling charmingly domestic as I do so. Doesn't every Betty Crocker Scholar oil her heavy-duty cross-cut shredder daily?) After reading about the technology which can be used to reconstruct even cross-cut shreddings, though, I'm developing a hankering for a disintegrator. I suppose if I wanted to be reeeeaaaaaally New Age I could consider this financial cleansing.

Some stuff, however, turns out to be too dumb to shred.

Case in point? My Y2K Readiness Disclosure research and testing documentation file. Recall that a federal statute, about which little now is heard, mandated this disclosure. I'd have to crank up the Wayback Machine to find the disclosure statement I so dutifully posted on my former website as a sole practitioner. I think it's safe to consign my test data to the recycle bin, not the shredder.

awwww!

Getting the bunt signal (which he ignored).

the dark goddess of ... shopping?

I am well aware of tales of people getting credit card offers for their cats. In fact, I know of a cat who is a member of the American College of Forensic Examiners, although the cat's owner did go to some lengths to obtain her certification.

You can imagine my surprise, however, when my fictitious persona received a preapproved credit card offer in the mail from an obviously confused bank. Unfortunately, the corporate name I can include on the card is a maximum of 19 letters and spaces, so I won't be able to fit "dark goddess of replevin" on the credit card. Guess I'll just have to settle for "dark goddess."

And it looks like I ought to be looking into federal service mark registration, after all.

crime certainly doesn't pay

Oh my God, this is wonderful. I can't improve on it. Just read this.

i swear i do not make this up

Here is the actual contents of my email inbox when I came to work this morning.

"April is Washington State’s Disaster Preparedness Month and [Building Management] is proud to participate in the Statewide Earthquake Drill at [Tall Building]. This drill is an important reminder of what to do during the first few moments of an earthquake, and we encourage everyone to participate. Experts say your chances of reacting effectively during a real earthquake double every time you perform this drill.

The drill will take place at approximately 9:45am on Thursday, April 21. An announcement will be made over the public address system. When you hear the announcement, imagine that an earthquake is occurring, then:

DROP under a sturdy desk or table, ideally away from windows, bookcases, file cabinets, and other objects that can fall.

COVER your head and stay under cover, which you would do until the shaking has stopped. During this drill, stay under cover until the public address announcement has been completed (about 30 seconds).

HOLD onto the desk or table. If it were to move, you would want to move with it.

(If your normal work area does not have a desk or table to drop under, quickly crouch down next to a strong wall, away from windows and preferably in a corner. Cover your neck and head with your hands.)

(If in a wheelchair, lock your wheels, lean forward, and cover your neck and head with your hands or a hard covering, such as a book or stiff binder.)

What else you should do:

Note any difficulties you had in performing the drill. If it is not comfortable for you to get under your desk, find another safe place nearby.

Evaluate your work area and minimize as much as possible the objects that would fall during a real earthquake."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'm sitting here wondering where this leaves me with a glass desk.

I'm also wondering if the drill works if I don't imagine an earthquake first.